Why Choose Surrogacy?
You want to build a family. You might be feeling unsure about whether you should pursue adoption or surrogacy. It’s important to choose the path to parenthood that is right for you!
Everyone has their own personal reasons for choosing the path to parenthood that they eventually decide upon. For some, it is a quick and easy choice and others struggle to decide which option is best.
Genetic Considerations for Future Parents
If it is important that you or your partner is genetically linked to the child or children you parent, surrogacy will be preferred. It is completely normal to feel as though it is important to have a biological connection to your child. If a biological connection is less important to you and your partner (if you have one), you may lean more towards adoption.
Genetic Considerations for the Birthing Mother
The primary difference between gestational surrogacy and traditional surrogacy is that the birthing woman is not genetically linked to the child that she carries for you. This can prevent many emotional, psychological, and legal complications for everyone involved. The difficulties surrounding traditional surrogacy are why we only work with families that are choosing gestational surrogacy.
The genetic link between birthing mother and child also applies to adoption. Not only is the woman giving birth to a baby who will be adopted genetically linked to the child, she may also cling to an emotional connection with the genetic father of the child. The birth mother may have complicated emotions to process.
Finding the Right Match
There are much more women interested in becoming Surrogates than there are women considering adoption. Placing a child for adoption, like traditional surrogacy has psychological complications for the birthing mother.
When waiting to adopt, the selection process is in the hands of the woman giving birth. She chooses you. This, combined with fewer women choosing to place babies for adoption means you can be waiting years to become a family.
The surrogacy process puts more control into the hands of the Intended Parents. The matching process of surrogacy is mutual. You and the Surrogate Mother choose each other. Through Surrogacy, you also have options when it comes to choosing your baby’s ethnicity, ensuring your baby is not exposed to medication or illicit drugs, and you will not be restricted by postplacement conditions that you may be unhappy with. You and your Surrogate can choose terms that work for both of you.
Screening and Medical Care
Your Gestational Surrogate will be becoming pregnant intentionally. This allows her to prepare her body for her transfer. Surrogate Mothers undergo screening including medical exams, drug testing, and psychological assessment. When having your surrogacy agreement drawn up, your Surrogate agrees to make healthy choices and follow medical advice. Intentional pregnancies are often healthier pregnancies.
You have very little control over the pregnancy in an adoption. The Birth Mother will be asked to disclose any drug use, medical history, and is encouraged to seek prenatal care but the process is less invasive. She may not have been in good health prior to or during pregnancy.
Getting to Know Your Baby During Pregnancy
When you choose surrogacy, you have the opportunity to get to know your Surrogate Mother and be actively involved in her pregnancy and prenatal care. You can go to her appointments with her, including ultrasounds. You can be there to hear your baby’s first heartbeat (in person or by video conference), and she will be eager to share every detail with you. You’ll be the first to know the first time your baby kicks, and thanks to technology can even request videos of the baby moving in your Surrogate’s tummy.
You’ll stay on top of your baby’s development from the very first day!
What if She Changes Her Mind?
There is uncertainty in adoption. In gestational surrogacy, there is never any doubt about who will parent the baby when it is born because the Surrogate is not genetically linked to the baby. Surrogates make a choice to become pregnant for the Intended Parents, her partner (if she has one) is involved in the legal process, and there is a legal agreement in place before fertility treatments begin.
When adopting, the process can fall apart at any time. The biological father of her baby may become involved, she may become uncertain about her decision to place her baby, or there may be a breakdown for some other reason.
Happily Ever After
When adopting, you’ll need to agree to the relationship terms that the Birth Mother desires. She may want to spend time with your child and have a relationship with your family. Open adoption has become commonplace and Birth Mothers want to stay in touch and see their baby grow. Surrogate Mothers have a less strong desire to be updated and are often happy with a photo and a quick email every once in awhile. You and your Surrogate agree on the terms of your ongoing contact in your surrogacy agreement.
There are so many factors to consider when choosing between adoption and surrogacy. Both are beautiful options and we commend Birth Mothers, and Adoptive Parents the same way we do Parents through surrogacy and Gestational Surrogate Mothers. Only you and your partner, if you have one, can know what is best for your family. If you have questions, we are very knowledgeable about both surrogacy and adoption.
Reach out and we can help you assess what path to parenthood would be best for you.
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